Mushroom/Eggplant Stack

• 1 medium eggplant cut into 1/4" slices
• 4 portobello mushrooms, stems removed
• 16 basil leaves (or more. or less.)
• 16 sun-dried tomatoes, soaked for an hour in very hot water
• 2 cloves garlic, crushed and minced
• 1/4 cup olive oil
• 1/4 cup balsamic vinegar.
• salt, pepper and crushed red pepper to taste

1. Heavily salt the eggplant (with kosher salt) on one side, and place on a wire rack over the sink. After 10 minutes, flip and heavily salt the other side. Let sit for at least an hour, preferably 2.
2. After the eggplant has rested, rinse well and squeeze the water out of the eggplant. You have now purged it's inner demons. Say 10 hail marys.
3. In a large bowl mix the oil, vinegar, garlic, a pinch of salt, pepper and chili flakes until you have an emulsification. If you're not a picky vegan, or not vegan at all, add a good shot of honey and some Worcester sauce to this. Marinate the eggplant and mushrooms for 30 minutes.
4. While the veggies are getting their soak on, turn the oven to broil.
5. Place the mushrooms and eggplant on a baking sheet and place under the broiler until they start to brown on one side, flip and do the same to the others.
6. Using the mushroom as a base, stack the eggplant, 2 slices of sun-dried tomatoes and 2 basil leaves per layer. Stack as high as you want. Again, if you're not vegan, thrown some buffalo mozzarella in there too.
7. Drizzle on some oil and balsamic vinegar at the end.

Saffron-Pea Risotto

• 1 medium onion diced
• 2 cloves garlic, thinly sliced
• 4 tbls olive oil (or half butter and half oil if you don't have a vegan around)
• 3/4 arborio rice
• 1 quart vegetable (or chicken) stock
• 1 tsp saffron threads
• 2 cups peas
• 1/3 cup grated romano cheese (you know only if you're not doing this for vegans)

1. Bring the stock to a simmer and add the saffron, crushed between your fingers.
2. Put the fats in a large sautee pan and when they start to shimmer, add the onions and garlic with a good pinch of salt. Reduce the heat and let them sweat. Playing C+C Music Factory right now WILL NOT help. But your neighbors will at least have a story to tell their friends. You know, about their gay neighbor.
3. When the veggies have softened, add the rice and let it cook in the oil stirring frequently until it turns translucent.
4. When the rice is translucent pour in enough stock until it barely covers the rice and stir well.
5. Let the rice simmer and keep adding stock when it starts to look dry. Stir well with each addition.
6. When there's a good 3/4 cup of stock left, taste the risotto. If it's done, hey, it's done. If not, add the last addition. Fold in the peas and the cheese if you're using them.

Shiitake Mushrooms and Dandelion Greens

• 1 bunch dandelion greens, rinsed and dried
• 1 medium red onion, thinly sliced
• 5 chiles, stemmed, seeded and sliced into 1/8" wide strips
• 1/4 cup and 3 tbls olive oil
• 1 lbs shiitake mushrooms
• zest and juice of one lemon
• salt and pepper to taste

1. Toss the shiitake mushrooms, cut into halves, with the 3 tbls of oil and some pepper. Place on a sheet pan and broil until they're brown and getting a little crispy.
2. Meanwhile, heat the oil and add the zest and the onions and cook over medium heat until the onion softens. Add the chiles and cook for another few minutes. Pull from the heat and toss the dandelion greens with this and the lemon juice.
3. Add the mushrooms and toss well.

Whole Wheat Sandwich Bread

Yes, I'm using volumetric measurements here. That's because even by weight liquids still involve eyeballing — a humid day may take less liquid, a dry day may take more. You gotta just feel it.

• 2 cups all purpose flour
• 1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
• 1 1/2 tsp instant yeast
• 3 tbls honey
• 1 1/3 cups whole milk (really, use whole milk, please)
• 1 1/2 tsp kosher salt
• 2 tsp butter

1. But all the dry stuff in the work bowl of your food processor (iff'n you got one) and pulse a few times. If you're doing this by hand, stir the ingredients together well.
2. Turn on the motor and drop in the 2 tbls butter cut into smaller chunks. It should be chilled, but not fridge cold. By hand you'll want it soft and massage it into the dry goods, sort of like making pastry>.
3. With the motor running, stream in the honey, or mix it in well with the dry goods by hand.
4. Then add the milk and mix well. The dough should come together to a slightly sticky ball. In the food processor, let this run for a good 1- 1 1/2 minutes. This will mostly knead the dough. When it's done, dump out on a lightly floured surface and hand knead another minute. By hand: dump this out on a very lightly floured surface and start kneading by hand — about 10 minutes or until the dough is smooth and elastic.
5. Put into a greased bowl and cover with a damp towel for at least two hours, up to three.
6. Dump out and form into a loaf (press down into a rectangle and then fold up) and place into a greased loaf pan. Cover again and let rise another hour.
7. With 20 minutes left to go in the last rise, but the oven at 350°F. Put the bread in the oven and cook for 45 minutes.
8. Let cool at least 30 minutes before slicing.

Eggless Pasta

Yes, this was stolen from Mark Bittman, but whatever. Don't be a dick.

• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 tsp salt
• 1/2 cup hot water
• 2 tbls olive oil

1. Put the flour and salt in the work bowl of your food processor and turn it on. Talk to it all sweet-like. You know.
2. While it's on pour in the oil and followed by the hot water. This should bring the dough to a rough all. If not, well, you're fucking retarded. Oh wait. No. I'm sorry that was mean. If that doesn't make a rough dough add just a few more drops of hot water at a time until that happens.
3. Turn it out on a lightly floured ball and knead until it's smooth, elastic and not really sticky.
4. Take your pasta machine and put it through it's paces. What? You don't have a pasta machine? Sounds like you need some new fucking in-laws, asshole.

Turkey Meatballs

• 1.5 lbs of ground turkey
• 1 medium onion, finely diced
• 4 cloves of garlic, thinly sliced
• 4 tbls chopped oregano
• 1/2 cup chopped parsely
• 2 tbls chopped thyme
• 1/2 cup tore-up bread (nice crusty Italian load) soaked in whole milk
• salt, pepper and crushed red pepper to taste

1. Let the bread soak for a good 15 minutes first
2. Put the rest of the ingredients in a bowl then squeeze the excess milk out of the bread and tear into smaller pieces
3. Mix together and refrigerate for 30 minutes
4. Form meatballs (I used a scoop) and then brown them in some olive oil in a frying pan
5. Put in the red sauce and tuck in a 200°F oven for two or so hours. At least until the turkey is cooked.

Red Sauce

• 2 cans san marzano tomatoes, drained, chopped and the liquid set aside
• 1 medium onion, chopped
• 2 cloves garlic, thinly sliced
• 4 sprigs thyme
• 4 sprigs oregano
• 2 bay leaves
• 2 tbls tomato paste
• salt, pepper and crushed red pepper

1. Heat up some olive oil until it shimmers then lower heat and add the onions with a pinch of salt.
2. You want to let these things cook down and sweat under low heat for a good 20 minutes.
3. Add the garlic and let cook for two minutes, then find a clear space and put in the tomato pasta.
4. Add the reserved liquid, pepper, crushed red pepper, thyme and oregano and raise the heat.
5. Bring to a boil and add the chopped tomatoes and bay leaves.
6. Add meatballs and cook in the oven until it's awesome.

Mushroom Gravy

• 3 tbls butter
• 1 lbs assorted sliced mushrooms (shiitake and crimini for me please).
• 2 cups vegetable stock
• 1 medium onion diced
• 2 small cloves garlic minced
• 2 tbls fresh thyme
• 1/4 cup whole milk (or cream -- if you swing that way)
• 3 tbls flour
• salt and pepper

1. Melt the butter over medium heat and add the onions and garlic along with a pinch of salt. You want to sweat these for about 20 minutes until they turn soft.
2. Add the mushrooms and turn up the heat to medium high. Give it another good pinch of salt. Cook the mushrooms down until they're soft and pliable.
3. Sprinkle on the flour and stir it into the veggies to make a roux. Cook for a few minutes to get the cereal flavor out of the flour.
4. Add the stock stirring quickly. Bring the heat up to high and stir until it reaches a boil.
5. Reduce heat to medium and stir occasionally until the gravy has thickened.
6. When it's reached your desired consistancy, add the milk (or cream) and stir in.
7. Serve over mashed potatoes, kasha varnishes, stuffed cabbage, roast beef, ice cream, etc.

Cumin Glazed Carrots

• 1 lbs carrots cut on the bias into equal sized pieces
• 2 tbls toasted ground cumin
• 1 tlbs butter
• 2 tbls honey
• Healthy pinch red pepper flake or dollop of harissa

1. Melt the butter in a pan over high heat -- let it cook for a second until it starts to smell nutty.
2. Add the carrots and a small pinch of salt and cook until they start to just get soft, about 1-2 minutes.
3. Add the cumin and the honey and toss over the carrots. Let cook until the carrots are just soft, but not mushy.

• 1 whole chicken, cut into 10 pieces (2 legs, 2 thighs, 2 wings (no tips!), 4 breast pieces)
• 1 quart chicken stock. STFU n00b! Homemade FTW.
• 2 cups of rice. Medium or long grain please.
• 2 red peppers, diced
• 6 jalapeños, diced (seeds or no seeds. Some like it hot.)
• 3 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 medium onion, diced
• 1/2 cup green olives, roughly chopped (pimento stuffed!)
• 1 can green pigeon peas
• 1 dried ancho chili
• 1 pinch saffron, ground
• 2 tsp ground toasted cumin
• 2 tbls tomato paste
• 1 tsp smoked paprika
• 1 1/2 chorizo sausages. Fresh if you can get it.
• 2 bay leaves

1. Lightly season the chicken with and brown well on all sides in batches if you have to.
2. While you're browning the chicken, put the chorizo in another pan and cook under medium heat until it gets crispy. Drain and blot with paper towels. Seriously, you'll be so much happier if you do this.
3. When the chicken is browned, pour off some of the chicken fat and then add your peppers, jalapeños, onions and garlic an reduce heat. Just a small pinch of salt on this. (There's a ton of salt in the chorizo and if you're using store-bough broth you got some there too buddy.)
4. Sweat these veggies out until they sort of falling apart. Add the tomato paste and let it rust a second. Stir in, add the spices and the chicken stock (that includes the chili pepper). Bring water to a boil.
5. While you're waiting for the water to boil, turn your oven on to 300°F.
6. When the water is boiling, add the rice, the chicken, the chorizo, the peas and the olives.
7. Place in oven and cook for an hour or so tightly covered until the rice is done (the chicken should be just done as well -- you might want to check that too!.)