Gute Essen

They're Like the Haflings of the Culinary World

Tuesday, May 6, 2008 | 1 comment »

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This plate is a +9 plate of awesome. It enchants any food on it to be delicious and has a 75% chance of conferring darkvision 60' on the user.

Vegans are like the haflings of the culinary world. No one really likes to play one, yet there's invariably one in your party. I mean they're no gnome illusionist, but like, still, why would you ever play a hafling? You're small size, can't wield normal weapons. Er wait. This is a food blog. Not a blog about my nerdy middle school years of D&D. Well middle school and maybe in college. But like it was hip then. Right? Right.

So. My-vegan-friend-Alice came over for dinner tonight. (And yes, that is her full name. I know, her parents were totally weird right. Why would they name their kid with a hyphenated first name, especially when it contains the phrase "my-vegan-friend." I mean what if she was a porcineophile?) Which means that I couldn't use any of the awesomeness of animals in the cooking. Shit, I didn't even use honey. Nor lard. Nor butter. Nor bacon. Nor ham. Nor pork. Yet some how I made something delicious.

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The only thing I hated as much as the knight's chessboard tour problem in computer science is the goddamn towers of Hanoi. I don't remember seeing any goddamn photos of any goddamn towers when we learned about Vietnam.

Incidentally my brother's birthday day present to myself came today in the mail. (Birthday? What? 30? What? May 5th? What? Yawn.) It was Mario Batali's Molto Italiano (for some reason I can't say that without using Mario's accent from the N64 Super Mario game. Is that racist? Its-a me! Mario!) So that provided the basic inspiration for tonight's meal, in addition to one of the basic recipes. I also ate at Casa Mono last night for my birthday meal. It was fucking phenominal. And maybe, just maybe, if I play my cards right, I'll grow up to be just as rotund. I mean, I'm not far off...

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It is dark. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

Also Alice has been having a rough time as of late so I figured I'd make her something that looked as fancy as it tasted. What? You don't think that looks fancy? You obviously aren't privy to chili-trough night at our house. It's like I don't know if I'm sweating because I'm eating too fast or eating too much. Anyway, being the nice guy that I am I made a trio of delicious animal-free dishes. A "stack" of portobello mushroom, eggplant, sun-dried tomatoes and basil, saffron-pea risotto and Mario's (yes, we're on a fat man's first name basis) roasted chanterelles. Only I couldn't find chanterelles. Nor the greens he was talking about. But hey, you make do with what you got.

Yeah. There's a lot of mushrooms. You got a problem with that? Good. I didn't think so. They just have so much flavor and texture for a meatless meal; you can't beat them unless you have 48 hours to prepare tofu well.

Mushroom/Eggplant Stack

  • 1 medium eggplant cut into 1/4" slices
  • 4 portobello mushrooms, stems removed
  • 16 basil leaves (or more. or less.)
  • 16 sun-dried tomatoes, soaked for an hour in very hot water
  • 2 cloves garlic, crushed and minced
  • 1/4 cup olive oil
  • 1/4 cup balsamic vinegar.
  • salt, pepper and crushed red pepper to taste

  1. Heavily salt the eggplant (with kosher salt) on one side, and place on a wire rack over the sink. After 10 minutes, flip and heavily salt the other side. Let sit for at least an hour, preferably 2.
  2. After the eggplant has rested, rinse well and squeeze the water out of the eggplant. You have now purged it's inner demons. Say 10 hail marys.
  3. In a large bowl mix the oil, vinegar, garlic, a pinch of salt, pepper and chili flakes until you have an emulsification. If you're not a picky vegan, or not vegan at all, add a good shot of honey and some Worcester sauce to this. Marinate the eggplant and mushrooms for 30 minutes.
  4. While the veggies are getting their soak on, turn the oven to broil.
  5. Place the mushrooms and eggplant on a baking sheet and place under the broiler until they start to brown on one side, flip and do the same to the others.
  6. Using the mushroom as a base, stack the eggplant, 2 slices of sun-dried tomatoes and 2 basil leaves per layer. Stack as high as you want. Again, if you're not vegan, thrown some buffalo mozzarella in there too.
  7. Drizzle on some oil and balsamic vinegar at the end.

Saffron-Pea Risotto

  • 1 medium onion diced
  • 2 cloves garlic, thinly sliced
  • 4 tbls olive oil (or half butter and half oil if you don't have a vegan around)
  • 3/4 arborio rice
  • 1 quart vegetable (or chicken) stock
  • 1 tsp saffron threads
  • 2 cups peas
  • 1/3 cup grated romano cheese (you know only if you're not doing this for vegans)

  1. Bring the stock to a simmer and add the saffron, crushed between your fingers.
  2. Put the fats in a large sautee pan and when they start to shimmer, add the onions and garlic with a good pinch of salt. Reduce the heat and let them sweat. Playing C+C Music Factory right now WILL NOT help. But your neighbors will at least have a story to tell their friends. You know, about their gay neighbor.
  3. When the veggies have softened, add the rice and let it cook in the oil stirring frequently until it turns translucent.
  4. When the rice is translucent pour in enough stock until it barely covers the rice and stir well.
  5. Let the rice simmer and keep adding stock when it starts to look dry. Stir well with each addition.
  6. When there's a good 3/4 cup of stock left, taste the risotto. If it's done, hey, it's done. If not, add the last addition. Fold in the peas and the cheese if you're using them.

Shiitake Mushrooms and Dandelion Greens

  • 1 bunch dandelion greens, rinsed and dried
  • 1 medium red onion, thinly sliced
  • 5 chiles, stemmed, seeded and sliced into 1/8" wide strips
  • 1/4 cup and 3 tbls olive oil
  • 1 lbs shiitake mushrooms
  • zest and juice of one lemon
  • salt and pepper to taste

  1. Toss the shiitake mushrooms, cut into halves, with the 3 tbls of oil and some pepper. Place on a sheet pan and broil until they're brown and getting a little crispy.
  2. Meanwhile, heat the oil and add the zest and the onions and cook over medium heat until the onion softens. Add the chiles and cook for another few minutes. Pull from the heat and toss the dandelion greens with this and the lemon juice.
  3. Add the mushrooms and toss well.

categories: vegan risotto eggplant mushrooms

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